For my Mom :)

By Michelle Zhang
May 10, 2014


Dearest Mom, 

Happy Mother's Day to the wisest, most caring, most loving mother in the whole world! I mean, I know that everybody says that on Mother's Day, but come on, do you think any of their moms compare to you?

I don't know where I'd be without you, Mom. I know I fought you the whole way here but look! I am finally learning to appreciate everything that you've done for me. Don't think it's gone unnoticed!

I am so glad that I have you here to guide me through this messy, confusing, tiring and stressful life. I love that you keep striving to learn, so that you can pass those lessons down to me. You are always trying new and interesting things, going to new places, aspiring to go to even more unfamiliar places... it is all so admirable! I am so inspired by your independence and your ability to discover adventure in this world. You have always told me that the most important thing to be is to be independent. It's one thing to hear that, but it's another thing to be able to see you doing these things and being such an incredible role model. 

And in the midst of all of that, thank you for still finding the time to take care of me! I love that every time I come home, I can count on you to make my favorite foods, stock the fridge full of my favorite fruits, get me coffee and breakfast, etc. etc. etc. Makes me wish I could come home a lot more often! Thank you for always being available whenever I need you, it is so nice to know that my mom is always there for me no matter what. Thank you for taking the time to write all of your emails, I really do listen to them! I will keep them forever and always look back on them because in the end, there's no one in the world smarter than my mom. You always give me the best advice, and are always striving to open my eyes to the best parts of this world - either through your photos, through the books that you recommend, or through the stories that you tell me when we talk. 

I am so glad that I can always be open and honest with you. You know who I am all the way through, and that is pretty special because I don't think many parents can say that about their relationship with their children. Thank you for always being accepting of who I am, even in the bad times. I - just like you - truly believe that all of the freedom and liberty that you gave me in those earlier years made me into the ambitious, passionate, and unique person that I am today. But at the same time, I can't thank you enough for forcing me to do all of those things that I hated doing as a kid! I honestly cannot tell you how often I look back at things like learning the piano, going to Chinese school, and going to ice skating practice and realize how much of an impact that made on my sense of discipline, willpower, and perseverance. I have learned what it means to dedicate myself to a goal because you made sure that I did it while I was growing up, even though it took time out of your day and made you seem the "bad guy" for a good chunk of my childhood! 

Lastly, thank you for just always making me feel like everything is going to be okay. Ever since I was little, whenever I was worried about something (and even as a kid, I REALLY knew how to worry and stress out!), you would always tell me that it would be okay. Now, you are still the person that I turn to when I need to feel like things are gonna be alright. In the end, I think that is the most important part of being a parent - giving your child that invaluable sense of security. And you are so good at giving me that. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I can't say it enough. I love you so much!

 
​Love, 
Chelle-Chelle

Going to my Zen sanctuary... (2)

The Zen weekend came and went, and I feel insanely great!!

As promised, the weekend started at 5PM on Friday and ended at 6AM this morning.

Saturday morning was the most difficult.  I got up at 6AM.  Looking at my laptops, iPhone and iPad, they were all laying there so quietly.  My white-silver iPhone-5s stared at me with its endless charm and innocent beauty.  I stared back at him with deep affection, but didn't touch him.  For about 30 minutes, I felt very strange for not being able to watch the weather channel or to check messages on my iPhone...  I felt totally strange for being disconnected, period!  Nonetheless, I proceeded my morning with a strong will.

Part of my morning exercise routine was to take a long walk.  On my way, someone was having a garage sale.  You would not believe how much space she occupied for this "garage sale" -- in her garage, on her driveway and spread out all the way over her lawn.  I had a hard time to comprehend why and how people can allow so much STUFF to clutter in their lives!!!! 

After the morning walk, I immediately went to my basement and started my own "clean-up."   Those of you who have seen my basement, you know it represents a clean, neat space with an overwhelming sense of nothingness!  I went into the storage section and looked very hard for "stuff" to throw away...  I went through each neatly packed box one more time and finally concluded -- there is nothing for me to throw away!  But guess what I found in the process??  I found a copy of the diary I wrote for my little Michelle -- every day for 9 months + 21 days!  I found 3 big binders of my little Michelle's drawings at age 4, 5 and 7 -- the pictures she drew and the notes she wrote to Mommy -- reflected nothing but uncontrollable true love!  I also found several precious homework books I made for Michelle before she entered pre-school.  They all have her crooked little handwriting in it... 

Wow, let me tell you, it's absolutely frightening when I have too much free time. All of a suddenly, my basement became a treasure island!  How on earth could I not keep all these pieces of history in our fire-proof safety box???    

.....

Sunday was much better and more peaceful.  My mind got used to not being cluttered by "messages".  Stop the inflow of information can really allow you to feel and reflect deeper on the present.  I read the book 《佛泽》again -- it's an amazing book.  I read it a few weeks ago when I was in China.  It talks about a famous, award-winning Chinese photographer spending 9+ years in well-known Chinese Buddha's temples to photograph life and virtue inside the temple -- it brings tremendous calmness, clarity and purity to my mind! 

I have been thinking about the best places for this type of Zen retreat.  Yeah, it might be much easier to do it in Death Valley or northern California National Seashore or Wisconsin Ice Caves, etc. because when you're surrounded by an unfamiliar environment, your attention would naturally be absorbed by new things.  However, when you are at home and surrounded by everything you know, it's far more difficult to change your daily routine.  So, for me, being able to turn off everything and tasted a simple life in the way people lived 40 years ago, that was a rather interesting experience!

For those of you who can read Chinese, attached are 2 pages of my diary for Michelle.

Attachment 1 = Cover Page

Attachment 2 = The First Week of May 1991 (what happened this week 23 years ago)

    

Going to my Zen sanctuary...

Life has been pretty horrendous over the past 2 months.  As I look back at my calendar, I have literally been traveling every week since 3/10/14 -- it's overwhelming and exhausting!!  Thank goodness I am finally back home now and will be in Chicago next week.

To help calm myself down and cleanse my mind, I have decided to go "off-line" for the weekend.  I need to create a peaceful Zen sanctuary for my mind and body to "turn-off" and rest.  Can't afford the time to fly to a peaceful remote place to do this because, sadly, I still need to work tomorrow and Monday.  But I desperately NEED a break from this world of chaos!

To that end, I have just delivered my weekly photos and I am sending my reflections now.  I hope to be able to totally "shutdown" as of 5 PM tomorrow (Friday) and will reconnect on Monday. 

Enjoy your weekend in whatever way that fits you the best.  Life is short, and we really need to take care of ourselves -- physically and mentally!
 

Golden Gate Bridge, California

April 27, 2014  

The "Spirit" of Vegas

Honestly, I am a bit concerned about my photography career because for some unknown reasons, I have been overwhelmingly busy and tired...  Really have not had a chance to do any "photography" for the past 2 months, which is not acceptable!

In Vegas this past week for work, so I forced myself to come up with at least 2 photos capturing the "spirit" of Vegas.  Here they are -- 4 of them.  Tell me if you don't think they reflect the eating, drinking, shopping spirits of the bottomless world of materialism in Vegas!  By the way, I had a hard time locating my true artistic shot of "gambling..."

Las Vegas
April 23, 2014

The Human Planet

Only one creature has carved the life for itself in every habitat on earth.  That creature is us.  All over the world, we still use our ingenuity to survive in the wild places, far from the city lights -- face to face with raw nature.  This is the Human Planet.

Human Planet by BBC

April 2011

My little Michelle introduced this show to me.  It took me several months to finally get to it... and I was deeply touched by it.  Watch it if you can.  It gives you a profound sense of how massive the world is and how harsh the conditions are in some of those remote places!!  Only when we see how those people struggle for the most basic things in life will we finally realize how lucky we are and how much we've taken for granted...

I thanked my little Michelle for bringing the Human Planet to me, as I thoroughly enjoyed it!

My Weekend

March 23, 2014

I am in San Francisco for a meeting this week, so I spent the weekend with nature, which was wonderful!  Believe it or not, I still have many unprocessed pictures from my Mongolia and Hawaii trips last year... I don't know where time went and why I am so overwhelmingly busy all the time!!!  I hope some day I can just wander around doing nothing AND NOT feel guilty about it!

So, I spent 2 days at the Point Reyes National Seashore this weekend.  It was just beautiful... Life was pretty rough out there.  Only 1 little deli in the whole area and there is no gas station around unless you're willing to drive out 15+ miles.  The deli is totally outside of the national park, so if you go in, you better bring your own supplies.  As usual, I was there on the beach late yesterday and went back to the beach before sunrise this morning.  Again, it feels so pure and original to be out there with nothing but the ocean, cliffs, birds and cattle...  You can breathe the freshness of everything and smell the ocean and grass!!

On my flight to California yesterday, the lady sitting next to me was on her way to Hawaii.  She was born and raised in IL, went to Urbana Champaign and got 2 degrees -- Music and Psychology.  She spent 10+ years in Hawaii and raised 2 kids there.  Tried to move back to IL last year, but she said her heart was telling her to go back to Hawaii.  So, yesterday, she was flying back to Hawaii to check things out.

I LOVE those people's free spirits.  I wish some day I could follow my heart.  I wish some day I could just get up and start a whole new career -- doesn't have to be fancy or exotic, as long as it offers the opportunity for me to better experience life.  I have always wanted to live in Alaska for 6 months to fully explore that amazing place, live in Hawaii for 6 months to get closer to the lava and volcanoes and the ocean, move to Iceland for 1 year to explore Northern Europe, especially Iceland and Norway...  I hope to do all this when I am still young and energetic.

Yeah, when can I set my heart free?  When can I completely simplify my life to a point where I could just get up and leave and go anywhere and everywhere as I wish?  Yeah, when?

Life has it's limitations, but manage and minimize them when possible.

My Little Cabin

I feel the need to share with you the little cabin I stayed in last weekend.  Again, it's not about photography or anything glamorous, it's about experiencing and documenting life at a deeper level -- life is there to be touched, experienced and remembered!!

Of course, this was the first time I had ever stayed in a little cabin like this in -25C weather.  I still get chills just to think about it, and that in itself is worth documenting :-)

My next goal is to camp out in the desert to photograph the nightly skies when it gets warmer...

Ice Caves, Wisconsin

February 22, 2014