2022-2-22 @ 2:22

Not sure if you've ever experienced a moment when you consciously tell yourself: "This is it. This moment will never come back to this life again!"

For me, it only occurred a very few times before. However, none of them could compare to the acute sense I got yesterday when I snapped a photo on my phone at 2:22pm. Initially, it was just for the fun of it -- to record 2022-2-22 @ 2:22. But the vivid feeling of trying to hold on to the minute and NOT letting go was immense... I wish it happened more often; to urge us to really, truly, consciously cherish every moment of our lives. 

Naperville, IL 

2022-2-22 @ 2:22pm  

 

Covid-19 Records

Not sure if you've ever faced a similar dilemma, but I am at the crossroad of my endeavor of keeping track of daily Covid-19 cases for the past 696 days.

My records started on 2/24/2020, when we only had 53 confirmed cases and no death in the U.S. Since then, I have been diligently keeping track of the new cases and deaths every day, with only one 10-day gap in June 2021 when we were out in the mountains of Glacier National Park.

Per Johns Hopkins, as of today, 1/29/2022, the recorded stats are as follows:

Global Total:

Total confirmed cases = 370,389,005

Total daily new cases = 3,662,115

Total deaths = 5,652,122

United States:

Total confirmed cases = 74,067,514

Total daily new cases = 639,081

Total deaths = 882,881

United States as a % of Global Total:

Total confirmed cases = 20%

Total deaths = 15.6%

United States as a % of Global Total in 1918-1919 Spanish Flu:

Total deaths = 1.4% (with US deaths at about 675,000)

Not sure what I should do next. Right now, it seems unthinkable to abandon the historical database at this point. However, does it make sense to keep on going -- when Covid is transitioning into a flu?

Have you encountered similar situations where you started a project and couldn't let it end because you've become so attached to it???  

Nonetheless, the above tally will go down to my history book.

Good-bye BlackBerry

The BlackBerry, once cutting-edge technology that allowed executives and world leaders to send emails from the palm of their hand for the first time, has died.

First launched as a text pager in 1996 by Canadian company Research In Motion Ltd., a BlackBerry phone came a couple of years later. It started to look outdated in 2007, when Apple released the touch-screen iPhone.

Former President Barack Obama, who used a BlackBerry while campaigning, kept using it until at least 2016, his last year in office.

Andrew Balfour long dreaded January 4, 2022, the day when he had to say goodbye to his beloved BlackBerry Classic forever. Even though Mr. Balfour’s BlackBerry couldn’t summon an Uber or stream a Netflix show, it could last days without needing a charge. And typing emails on its keyboard was a breeze.

When everything fades out to the distant past, BlackBerry's legendary keyboard will continue to shine in our precious memories.

 

Naperville, IL

January 4, 2022

 

"Social Death"

Due to recent scandals in China, I've learned a new Chinese phrase called "社会死亡."  The English translation is "Social Death."  It means: to avoid the spread of the scandal, the person involved has been blocked by all social media channels. Therefore, socially, the person is considered "dead," as no one can find or contact her. 

In my case, I have been practicing voluntary "social death" periodically over the past 7 years. The first time was the most dramatic. I spent a 3-day weekend (5/2/14 to 5/4/14) without a cell phone, a computer, a TV; without my car, or any other modern devices. I simply stayed home -- made tea, cooked meals, read books and walked around the neighborhood... It was a profound experience, with a lot of inconvenience, of course.

Since then, to avoid too much disruptions in life, my "social death" experience has been limited to only shutting down social media for 1-2 weeks. Each time, I loved the serenity it brought to my soul... 

Well, I just did it again for the past 20 days, which was the longest time of all. The calmness was incredible!!

Social Death is really not as horrifying as many have imagined. You live in your own world and mine your own business -- the simplicity of life is lovely. When you finally decide to reemerge, you'd realize that you haven't missed much after all. In my case, over hundreds of headlines and stories for the past 20 days, maybe only two things were note worthy: Omicorn and Inflation. 

Omicron: I've gotten my booster shot, what more can I do?

Inflation: My little strategy is attached. The rest is out of my hands. Why worry???  Haha! 

 

Fall 2021

It's been a while since I last wrote. Not sure why, but I've been quite busy -- at home!!

Fall 2021 was probably the first time in many years when I didn't go anywhere to frantically search for colors. Autumn in my backyard was delightful... 

Naperville, IL 

November 1, 2021

 

2021-9-29: 101 Days Later

Finally, the house has been fully remodeled, after the tornado touchdown on the night of 6/20/2021. It took 101 days -- the entire summer!!

There were countless ups and downs and disappointments during the process. However, today, we were happy to see the end of all constructions. After the last construction crew member left, I couldn't help to feel a bit lost -- Is that it? What do I do NOW??

Walking after dinner felt different. I could smell the autumn with a deep sense of calmness. It reminded me of my college days when we'd walk back from the library to our dorm room at night with the sweet smell of the late summer... I'm sure it will take some adjustments to get used to this worry-free life.

Let's never take things for granted. The sweet, peaceful night is truly hard to come by.

Dr. Michelle's Facebook Post: 2021-9-2

Dr. Michelle is a 3rd year fellow specialized in Pulmonary Critical Care.

I wish that I could just inundate my social media with photos of rocks and epic tropical adventures and adorable trees grown from seed and have that be the whole story of my life. But it’s not, and as much as I’ve learned that writing politically charged posts accomplishes virtually nothing, sometimes you just have to vent and get the words and feelings out.

Fortunately, since July, I have spent the majority of my time doing research and thus removed clinically from the current COVID surge, though I’ll be back in September as we are now - yet again - at a point where we need extra hands on deck in the ICU. Even more fortunately, I did not have to go into the hospital today, where there was an anti-mask and vaccine mandate rally outside of our hospital doors.

… I try my very, very best to understand the other side and where they might be coming from, because I firmly believe that open and compassionate discourse is among the only things that can get this country back on track. But when it comes to something like this - how do you approach this with any compassion, or willingness to listen or understand? How do you explain the thought process of people who have chosen to take this particular stand in front of a hospital, of all places? A hospital is full of healthcare workers that have no hand in policy-making. Our only focus - ever - is doing the best that we can for our patients. A hospital is also full of patients who currently have Covid; how do you take this stand on the paths that family members take as they’re walking up to visit their husband, wife, mother, father in the ICU where they are currently fighting Covid? I mean, what do you hope to gain here, of all places, by putting up your signs and chanting your chants, except to demolish the remaining morale of individuals who have shown up every day to just try to HELP.

There is such a thing as moral injury, and it is a different entity from burn out. It is not the result of too many hours and too many patients and general exhaustion (though keep in mind, this is happening too). It is the result of having this constant, pervasive feeling that we are not able to do right by our patients in the way that we believe we should. 

How do people and governments treat their healthcare workers like this? I won’t try to speak for everyone, but I think this sentiment is true within many of my colleagues: we will still be here for you. We will be here for you whether you are vaccinated or not, whether you masked up or not, whether you attended this rally or not. We will be kind and compassionate towards you, because every human beings deserves tenderness in their most vulnerable moments. We will do everything that we can for you, as we have been, because that‘s why we went into this profession. We want to help people.

I am just begging people to please, please remember that we are also human beings. We are not infinite in any of our capacities.

Photo is from my second year of residency, floating my first Swan. I was completely ecstatic to be learning this new skill, in an ICU setting which is where I loved to be, practicing good, thoughtful medicine, which is what I loved to do.