Dr. Michelle is a 3rd year fellow specialized in Pulmonary Critical Care.
I
wish that I could just inundate my social media with photos of rocks
and epic tropical adventures and adorable trees grown from seed and have
that be the whole story of my life. But it’s not, and as much as I’ve
learned that writing politically charged posts accomplishes virtually
nothing, sometimes you just have to vent and get the words and feelings
out.
Fortunately,
since July, I have spent the majority of my time doing research and
thus removed clinically from the current COVID surge, though I’ll be
back in September as we are now - yet again - at a point where we need
extra hands on deck in the ICU. Even more fortunately, I did not have to
go into the hospital today, where there was an anti-mask and vaccine
mandate rally outside of our hospital doors.
…
I try my very, very best to understand the other side and where they
might be coming from, because I firmly believe that open and
compassionate discourse is among the only things that can get this
country back on track. But when it comes to something like this - how do
you approach this with any compassion, or willingness to listen or
understand? How do you explain the thought process of people who have
chosen to take this particular stand in front of a hospital, of all
places? A hospital is full of healthcare workers that have no hand in
policy-making. Our only focus - ever - is doing the best that we can for
our patients. A hospital is also full of patients who currently have
Covid; how do you take this stand on the paths that family members take
as they’re walking up to visit their husband, wife, mother, father in
the ICU where they are currently fighting Covid? I mean, what do you
hope to gain here, of all places, by putting up your signs and chanting
your chants, except to demolish the remaining morale of individuals who
have shown up every day to just try to HELP.
There
is such a thing as moral injury, and it is a different entity from burn
out. It is not the result of too many hours and too many patients and
general exhaustion (though keep in mind, this is happening too). It is
the result of having this constant, pervasive feeling that we are not
able to do right by our patients in the way that we believe we should.
How
do people and governments treat their healthcare workers like this? I
won’t try to speak for everyone, but I think this sentiment is true
within many of my colleagues: we will still be here for you. We will be
here for you whether you are vaccinated or not, whether you masked up or
not, whether you attended this rally or not. We will be kind and
compassionate towards you, because every human beings deserves
tenderness in their most vulnerable moments. We will do everything that
we can for you, as we have been, because that‘s why we went into this
profession. We want to help people.
I
am just begging people to please, please remember that we are also
human beings. We are not infinite in any of our capacities.
Photo
is from my second year of residency, floating my first Swan. I was
completely ecstatic to be learning this new skill, in an ICU setting
which is where I loved to be, practicing good, thoughtful medicine,
which is what I loved to do.
