Letter to Dad

Dear Dad,

I meant to write this letter to you some time much later... However, as I reflect deeper on life, I've decided to write it today so you can read it when I am back to China.  I want you to read this letter while your mind is still sharp, because I want you to know how much I love you and how much I appreciate everything you've done for me. 

Like most of the typical fathers in China in the 1970s, you were not deeply involved in my day-to-day life.  However, I vividly remember a few things from my childhood:

1.  Since I was very little, you had been very strict about how I should hold chopsticks properly.  I remember that, for a period of time, at the dinner table, you would correct my way of holding chopsticks each and every time I did it wrong.  You may not remember it now, but it's amazing how small things like this could make its way to my deepest memories.

2.  Throughout my childhood, I learned first-hand how much you loved photography.  Every winter, whenever there was a snowstorm, you'd take me to Tao Ran Ting Park and take all kinds of pictures of me in the snow.  You often put me on the frozen lake, under the bridge, and took pictures at the most risky spots.  It might never have occurred to you that I could fall into one of those ice holes.  I can't tell you how many weekends we stayed in that small room with dim red light to develop our black and white pictures -- from getting the negatives to developing the paper pictures to putting the pictures on a little machine to make them glossy.  Even to this day, I still remember the smell of the chemicals for developing pictures... Because of your love for photography, I ended up with so many more childhood pictures than any of my friends, and I have always been very proud of that!

3.  Summer memories always lead me to the unforgettable swimming lessons.  We always went to the little muddy pond either at Tao Ran Ting or Shi Sha Hai, and I received my first swimming lesson from you when I was about 3 years old.  It was scary as hell, but because you loved swimming so much, you definitely wanted to be sure we'd all love swimming...  Those swimming sessions are as memorable as sitting in the small red room to develop our pictures.

4.  When I was about 10-11, I got sick very often and couldn't go to school, so you ended up spending a lot of time with me at home during that time.  I remember you tried very hard to read those famous Chinese novels to me -- Water Margin and Romances of the Three Kingdoms.  I was not particularly interested in those stories.  But for some reason, you felt it was very valuable for me to know them...

5.  In my memory, you were such a great cook. Among other delicious foods you made for us all the time, you made sure that every Chinese New Year's Eve (especially the dinner) was important and special for us.  So, Tang Ming and I would go downstairs to play with our friends from the afternoon into early evening.  Then we must come home on time for the special dinner.  You'd always cook special dishes for us that night -- the traditional southern Chinese foods, and you made sure we had fish at each Chinese New Year's Eve dinner.  This tradition lasted for many, many years.  After dinner, you'd turn on a high power light bulb and take pictures of us inside the house.  I was always fascinated by the fact that you could take such sharp pictures at night... I learned then how important a high power light bulb is for producing high quality pictures.

6.  The night photo session during the National Day holiday was another one of our family traditions.  During the National Day holiday, when all the lights were lit up on Tian An Men square, you'd take us there, by bike or by bus, to take pictures.  I was always scared of the crowds, but you reassured me that everything would be fine. During each shot, I must stand still (without any slight move) in order for you to take sharp pictures...

7.  As I grew older, you taught me one valuable lesson -- whenever possible, travel around to see the outside world.  You told me this at the end of my high school years, and it had such a profound impact on my life even to this day.  I also made sure to take my little Michelle everywhere as she grew up so she also got to see the "outside world."

8.  Although you were not very much involved in my daily life when I was little, you got more involved when I got into high school.  You did not want me to waste time on doing any housework.  The only thing you wanted me to do was to study.  You'd carefully prepare every breakfast for me on school days.  You wanted to make sure that I ate well every morning before going to school.  During my college years, every weekend when I came home, you'd cook my favorite special foods, then cook more for me to take back to school for my friends.

Looking back, I have been in America for 27 years.  Dad, I know clearly that, over all these years, you have sacrificed tremendously to support me and my family to have a successful life in this foreign country.  I would not have been who I am today without all the efforts you've made to help me in every possible way you can.  I truly understand the painful price you’ve paid for us to have a better life.  I will forever be thankful for that!

I will never forget all the attention you've given to Michelle for the past 25 years -- you carefully planned many of her birthday parties, you took so many wonderful pictures of her so we could all keep the sweet memories of baby Michelle, you carefully labeled all her favorite toys and dated all her pictures...  For the 2 years when she was in China, you kept a detailed notebook on all the important things she did every day.  One year, on her birthday, you bought a little cup for her.  On the cup, there is a blue sheep, a yellow cow, a red pig and two pieces of puffy clouds...  She loved it very much and still does after all these many years.  When she went to college, I told her the little cup must safely stay at home -- she agreed.  Even to this day, it is still sitting on her bedroom dresser.  Michelle knows clearly how much you love her, and she loves you dearly as well.  You've had a big influence on her young life, and she will forever carry the memories of the wonderful time she spent with you and Grandma during her childhood years. 

In recent years, I have been thinking more about the definition of a "successful life."  One day, in our old age, we'd all look back on life and ask ourselves -- have I lived a fulfilled life?  What is a "fulfilled and successful" life?  To answer that question, I would search my heart and soul to see if I've made an impact on the lives of people I love.  In your case, yes, you did make a significant impact on our lives, and you've left a great legacy.  That's the most important thing for you to remember and be proud of.

Thank you for everything you've done for me, Dad.  I love you, and always will.

Tang Pei

Letter for Grandpa

Dear Grandpa, 

Hello! How are you? I miss you and I've been thinking of you, and I hope that you are doing well. I hope you enjoy spending some time with Mom during her visit.

Life over here has been very busy. I'm finishing up my third year of medical school now, which has been the busiest year - a lot of work and a lot of stress, but I'm hoping it will all pay off. One thing I will say is that I've learned a lot during this year: about medicine, about human relationships, and about myself. Being on the wards and dealing with patients and other doctors day in and day out is a very different experience from going to school, reading textbooks, and taking tests. It's been a challenge, waking up every day before sunrise, working for up to 12 hours a day, and then coming home and still having to study for a test... But at the same time, I have loved it. I've loved having my own patients, forming relationships with them, and learning how to think about health and treatment so that I can help them. I've learned how important it is to be there and do the little things for your patient, so that you remind them that you are there to serve them. I've learned how to show compassion and understanding through just the tone of my voice, the words that I choose, or a gentle touch. I've learned how to be a valuable part of a team - the right ways in which to contribute ideas, bring up suggestions, and challenge management plans that I disagree with. I've learned how to keep work fun, how to make jokes with your colleagues so that you can maintain a light-hearted and enjoyable work environment. In the end, I hope that learning all of these things will ultimately teach me how to approach my career so that I will continue to love it many years down the line. 

I have loved almost every rotation that I've done - even the fields that I would never go into, like OB/Gyn and family medicine, I still loved. Not surprisingly, I absolutely loved psychiatry - I felt that I could really connect with those patients and get them to open up to me, which was wonderful. I've had so many people - patients and colleagues alike - tell me what a great psychiatrist I would make, because I have a natural way of comfortably talking to these patients. I thought about that for a long time, but in the end, I can't seem to give up hospital medicine. The excitement of having to know everything going on with every organ system in the body, having to fit together a constellation of symptoms and determine the cause... it's just too thrilling to give up. So I guess what I'm saying is that after all of these years, since deciding that I wanted to do medicine in high school, I still haven't lost my passion for it. 

This year is going to be over soon - just need to finish up one more rotation and then we have a big test at the end of this year. Then I'll be starting to apply to residencies - the next part of my training. I've grown to love Boston, but I'm really hoping to experience some place new for the next few years of my life, maybe Colorado or California.... 

Mom tells me that your health may be deteriorating now... I can't tell you how sad this makes me, but I also know that you've been waiting to be at peace for some time now.  I hope you know that you have lived a wonderful and fulfilling life. Mom tells me stories about you, about how you loved all of the things that I have loved - medicine, physics, philosophy, and finally writing.... it makes me so happy to hear this, because it feels like a special bond that we have. She tells me about what a famous journalist you were, and that makes me so proud and amazed by you. You have always been a strong, inspiring figure in my life, and you will continue to be for the rest of my life. I will always hold memories of our time together dear to my heart - all the time that you spent in America, riding on your bicycle, playing Ma Jiang, and the time that I spent with you in China that summer when we would make delicious food every day, walk around the streets of Beijing, watch TV together at the end of the night... I miss you, and I miss Grandma, all the time. I have had some of the best times of my life with you and Grandma and I am so grateful for that.

I know that you might be anxious or afraid. I want to tell you not to be - I am not anxious or afraid for you, because I know that whatever lies ahead of you, it will be peaceful. You will find harmony there. We will all be there someday.

I love you Grandpa, and I know that everything will be okay. I am always thinking of you. You are one of the most important people in my life and always will be. 

Sending you warmth and love, 

A Bao (阿宝）