梦中的记忆

Memories in My Dreams                               Memories in My Dreams

Lake Marmo, IL                                            Love - Dedicated to My Mom

Letter to Mom

Dear Mom,

I have not written a letter to you in such a long time.  We were so used to talking on the phone every week when I told you everything about Michelle, about my family, myself, my job and my love in photography. 

It’s been two weeks since I talked to the doctor who treated you at the ICU.  He told me that you suffered a brain-stem hemorrhage, a condition with an extremely low survival rate.  I was in absolute disbelieve, and still am…

I remember when I was little, each night before I went to bed, I would always say: “Bye-bye, Mama, travel safe and come home early (妈妈再见, 一路平安，早点回来).”  You would smile back and then kiss my little forehead – it was so sweet and satisfying…  I remember the summer days when all the other kids were playing outside, Tang Ming and I would wash our balcony with water and wait for you to come home to have special dinners with us.  After dinner, we would lay down on our balcony and play games – that’s when I learned the word “fun.” I remember how happy I was to wait for you at the balcony each afternoon.  Once I see you walking home from far away, I would call you with my loudest voice, then rush downstairs, run to the street and run to you… I remember the night before each holiday, after going to bed, I would call you and remind you to wash my “little red guard” symbol for me to wear the next day – I always fell asleep quickly after you reassured me that everything would be in good order for “tomorrow.”  Mom, today, I want to tell you that it is the love and reassurance you have given me throughout the years that makes me so strong and confident.

I still remember vividly that when I was in first grade, you told me to study hard and go to college when I grow up.  I did not even know what “college” meant at the time, but you told me to just remember that “I need to go to college.”  I memorized it at age 6.  When my classmate’s parents asked me what I would do when I grew up, I said “I need to go to college.”  They were terrified, because during the Cultural Revolution, no one was allowed to think about going to college or pursuing academics.  They told me to never repeat what I said again.  I nodded, but deep in my heart, I knew “I need to go to college.”

In my seventh grade, right after the Cultural Revolution, you taught me the importance of learning English.  I was skeptical and did not see the need for a proud Chinese to learn any language other than Chinese. I clearly remember what you said – foreign language is the tool for you to open the window to the foreign world.  After 33 years, today, I am still humbled by your wisdom.      

Looking back, it’s been 23 years since I came to this foreign land.  I have shared with you every little progress I made over the years.  Mom, as I think back and look forward, I know deeply that I would not have been who I am today without your tremendous sacrifice. Please know that I understand the painful price you’ve paid for us to have a better life.  I will forever be thankful for that!

Mom, you left me so suddenly that I did not even have a chance to tell you everything I wanted to tell you –

Thank you for showing me what love really is.  Thank you for helping me see beauty and sunshine in life.  Thank you for teaching me the meaning of kindness, tolerance, optimism, persistence and strength.  Thank you for always keeping an open mind and a young heart – it’s comforting to remember that you never lost interest in exploring new things in life, even at age 85.  You enjoyed your life fully and had accomplished everything you wanted to accomplish. 

I love you, Mom, as always.  妈妈再见, 一路平安.

Your Little Tang Pei (你的小汤培)

Letter to Grandma

2/24/2011

Dear Grandma,

I know you're resting peacefully now and that you're happy (you've always been happy no matter what, so I know that this is still true now).

I have been missing you so much, and I will keep on missing you always, but I am thankful for all the time that I could spend with you. Walking around Beijing with you and buying groceries off the street, playing Mah Jiang, helping you cook delicious food, watching Chinese soap operas, talking to you about my life and listening to your advice... these were all things that I enjoyed the most, and I wish I could have kept doing them with you forever. I am thankful that you always tried to make me a better person, and I want you to know that I remember everything you've told me and I will always try to be the person that you wanted me to be. You don't have to worry about me - I try to better myself every day and I know that in the end, I will make you proud. 

You are the most loving grandma in the world. I can only hope that as I grow up, I can become as great of a person as you were. You have always made me so happy and I hope that I have returned the favor. 

I have been looking through all our pictures together and I want to tell you to always keep smiling, because you have the cutest smile in all the world :)

I love you the most, Grandma, and always will. 

Love,

A Bao